Seeing is Not Always Believing

This week, I restarted my quest for a diagnosis. After my last attempt almost a year ago failed because the doctor thought I was glorifying pregnancy pains, I finally had the chance to see a new one now that my baby is two months old.

A few weeks ago, my mom’s brother had asked if there was a way he could help me financially with doctors’ appointments and all the testing that is likely to come with them. She thought there may be more people who would be willing to help this way and offered to start a fundraiser for me. I didn’t want to be someone who needed help, so I graciously accepted her kindness but had no intention of putting it into effect.

After my recent success at my first doctor’s visit (three new referrals to various specialists), I talked to my husband about what my mom had told me and the idea of receiving financial help from anyone willing, and he agreed with my mom on the subject.

I looked through others’ posts on the fundraising website my mom chose, and felt that next to those more urgent, more “important” issues, my story just sounds like whining. I asked my husband if he thought I actually should use this assistance since mine is less “real” than all those other people’s situations: I’m not in the hospital on life support, I wasn’t in a really tragic accident, and I wasn’t born with some life-endangering disease. My struggle is not important like all those.

Immediately, he stopped me: “Why? Why isn’t yours just as important as theirs? Because you can’t see it? Well, I see it. I see it every day when you can’t walk. I see it when you have to put your baby down because you hurt. I see it when you forget who you are.”

The reality of any sensation is not dependent on its visibility. I’ve never seen the wind, but I have felt its caress. I’ve never met Mark Twain, but I have been touched by his words. The fact is things can exist without being seen, and their validity is not taken away. I’m so grateful that I have my husband to remind me of this fact, and I hope to be that reminder to someone else who needs it now.

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